Do you remember a time you stood your ground and held a boundary even though it was tough at the time?
Some time back I ran a series of Action Learning Sets for assistant directors (AD) in a local authority. I had some experience, not a huge amount and this was my first time facilitating Action Learning for senior leaders within the same organisation. A lot of firsts so I was on my toes, definitely in my stretch, learning zone.
Three quarters way through there was a restructure. A third of the AD posts were to go. Those who remained would see their spans of control increase sizeably along with the number of direct reports.
Suddenly colleagues became competitors. This shifted the dynamics within my Sets.
What I noticed was the types of issues they were bringing changed. Less personal leadership challenges. Now topics focused on the level of organisational change and concerns about the restructuring process. It was evident certain topics affected them all. On these occasions I adapted so that everyone left with actions.
What I didn’t change was asking set members to be curious and ask open, helpful questions rather than give advise and tell each other what to do.
As a facilitator holding boundaries takes effort, especially when it runs the risk of participants not liking you because of it. As a people pleaser, this was hard for me. There were times I could see some got frustrated as they just wanted to share their opinion and fix the problem. Was holding out for questions not advise the best approach? Was there something else I should be doing that was better? I was plagued with self doubt. Yet I continued as I didn’t have a second plan and deep down I believed in the approach.
After the contract concluded, one Set chose to continue so they had support as they took on their new, expanded roles.
In the final session one assistant director shared how daunting the transition had been. He’d gone from five to nine a direct reports, managing service areas he had no previous experience of.
What he said next was so rewarding to hear. He said “When I sat across from these managers who were coming to me for guidance or solutions on service areas I know nothing about, I was stumped. They knew more about their areas than I did.”
“So I started asking them questions like we do in these sessions. I asked them what they saw as the problem and how they might solve it. They would share their thoughts and come up with ideas, solutions. We’d talk them through and they’d go off with plan.
Using questions to get someone to reflect and problem solve has totally changed how I manage. And it reduced my anxiety.”
Hearing a senior leader share the tangible benefits he’d gained through learning and applying the skills he’d honed through AL reaffirmed my stance. Sticking to the principle of questions not advice, and putting in the effort to help set members develop those skills is so worth it. Learning to question in an open way is a life skill.
A lot in my practice has changed since then but not this. It’s definitely a cornerstone for me. What about you? What’s changed and which boundaries do you continue to hold?